Every-day is the same: I wake-up, and stare through my window — at the consequence of London’s cold winters. The slight breeze in my room –basically my world- makes me chilly (cold). I get back into bed, and go through my phone for 45 minutes: battling with myself not to get out bed. As the clocks strike 11, I start hearing calls to have my breakfast… I already know what the menu will include: eggs, cheese, tomatoes, olives, tea and toasted bread; I love the menu; but I’m trying to become a vegan. Nevertheless, I have some cheese, spinach and a few pieces of fruit – my face staring into space; and feeling the emptiness in body. I stroll back upstairs, put on my laptop and browse the internet for a while: an hour or so.
After the food has digested, I make my way to the gym: it’s a 5 min walk; but I make the walk longer to burn-off more calories; and because I hope to come across something new: but, I never do. With my hoody on, I blare-out loud music on my phone, and begin training. I try avoiding eye-contact with other weight lifters. The gyms reception faces the exit- door: every-time I’m about to leave I hope that nobody is in the reception area, as I don’t want to say good-bye to anyone. I take a 30 min walk after the gym.
When I get home, I make my-self a nutritious smoothie: with spinach, apples, bananas, nuts and sometimes – yogurt. With the smoothie, I make my way up into my room, and a turn-on the laptop for another session of youtube videos; by the time my thick smoothie is rendered non-existent, I start getting ready to make my way to uni; I get there 30 minutes early, and I go through a boring 3 hour lecture. Alone, I make my way back home having not even said more than 10 words the whole day — some-days I never use any words. I get back home, and get greeted with the same BS: its cold outside isn’t? – Or, how was Uni ? – FUCK UNI.
I have a few bits and pieces to eat, then make my way upstairs….
The room is dark, my laptop is turned-on; and I’m empty. I slip into bed, turn-on a film, and contemplate: why am I alive? What is the reasoning behind the breaths’ I take?