Depression

Depression is neither a joke or is something many can grasp from reading an article. It is not just a simple “chemical imbalance” in the brain. I doubt it is useful to even consider it a medical condition. It is true that medication and medical intervention can help some people…things are just not that simple.

Being depressed is not feeling sad, either. Sadness is actually a feeling a depressed person will welcome with open arms. It constitutes a certain loss of energy, dark cloud, expressionless face, warped perceptions – or no perceptions at all – dis-interest, hopelessness…Numbness… We have all experienced these, right ? No. These things on their own come and go – and only last a few days to a couple of weeks for the most of us. But for the depressed, it can last many months or even years. Everyday becomes a struggle between putting on a mask to hide dark cloud and its disciples (the symptoms) and to just end it all, jump off a bridge, or apply for Euthanasia in Belgium.

If the depression remains for years, along with OCD, anxiety or some other “disorder”, you end up in a situation with no social, job or leisure life; your family begin to despise you, friends runaway and the idea of a relationship becomes draining and distant; the stars seem nearer than any form of emancipation from this rabbit hole, for death is more desirable, seems closer and more apt. The phones are answered less often and social media account are not fun anymore: You are so distant from yourself that something so physically distant from you seems nearer than your mind. Music does not sound as good, food does not taste at all. Everything is grey, even when the sun is out, people are happy and kids are playing out on the street – they have no colour. And you begin to lose friends…

Now you feel completely alone. Everyone’s life, with the exception of problems we all share, is moving forward. You, on the other hand, are stuck in a whirlwind of constant pain, regret, anxiety and hopelessness. You fear deterioration. Sometimes, you really are alone and mis-understood… others see your problems as the “same old…blah. blah”, but you cannot articulate how bad things are for you. “Just get a job,” or something along those rails is what you hear, as if it will solve everything. “Why do they not get it?” A job will only solve ‘their’ problems: Now they do not have to say, “oh, he/she is just sitting at home and does nothing”. Yes, socialising and a job does help a little; however, melancholic – deep depression just does not disappear like that: Your whole identity is gone; as a nobody in the stream of no-life, you do not come across anything that helps to life you out of it. You try, you really do – but it seems, at least, some of this suffering will stay with you and all that that happened – the damaged body, mind and  the lower-cognitive function – severed relationships –  will remain as such to some degree. You yearn for the day only “some of this” stays, the day you only begin to feel dead inside; now, you are suffering in silence.

You seriously contemplate: “Shall I kill myself or make a cup of coffee?” – Albert Camus.

 

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2 thoughts on “Depression

  1. This is a post that I can definitely relate to. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am following your blog so that I can read more.

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