Diary entry four

Time passes me by. Can time really exist, beyond my constructed experience of fleeting moments – they roll; the lake passes like it. I am inert on the bench riveted on the promenade, smoking the cigarette I declared the final ‘smoke’ months ago. The afternoon’s blue sheen over the sky has faded into its purple, red and orange pre-night shade. The night is the sky’s shade. Every pull forces today to fade, into the distance where timelessness is; it’s the prismatic sky that conjures: The intermittent point between, a pause before the fall of darkness, where evil and good dissolves time into nothingness. The past a mystery to the human mind, a mind so fragile in its own delusions, distortions. I feel sick from normative thoughts, platitudes reverberating across the table, the furthest corner, the bar, jingling that silver cutlery set: This is all in an amenity I’d rather absorb myself in. I yearn to convocated with the folk, the dealers, prostitutes and the tech-savvy hipsters; I want their distortions surrendered to truth after a battle with norms and performative action – around romantic tables. I like the inebriated; the vaunted sap of literary orations, a soliloquy. This lake’s stream can take me there, to the place, timeless, where people are free, smoking, drinking and shaming the constructions of this fabricated reality; this schizo-nomadism is to counteract the world’s absolute schizophrenia. The leader, heart limpid and pure, could not survive the inculcated psychosis requisite to the deluded, calms minds – able to sell sweat, tears and blood of the worn-out to the warned fiend of material gain, merely to be thrown, burned into the smoke of my cigarette, fading with the prismatic sky, into the darkness, nothingness of timelessness.

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